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One of the truly magnificent rewards of studying cheap bootleg anime toys is the sheer insanity of them. Weird product choices, ugly paint jobs, and best of all, mangled text. I see all of these regularly, but it takes a truly exceptional example to really stand out. Flying Headless Goku is Anime Jump's most popular bootleg toy and one of the site's most famous articles, mostly because of the wonderfully unreadable instructions. These instructions are interesting, because if you study them, you'll notice that they were translated using a fairly powerful (if archaic) English dictionary... by someone who worked hard but had no concept of English verb usage or sentence structure. If you look hard enough, you can almost make sense of things.

Some toys make sense like that. And some toys are just fucking crazy.

Now... when you look at this obvious bootleg of the God Gundam from Mobile Fighter G Gundam, you'll notice some things about the text on the box. First of all, the fact that "warrior" is spelled "wayyioy" means that they probably just mixed their Rs up with their Ys. I suppose that's understandable, and I look forward to seeing bootleg toys from such popular shows as Cayd Captoy Sakuya, Dyagonball, Yuyoni Kenshin, and Tyigun.

But then there's the rest of the text. The Japanese G-Gundam logo is visible on the corner of the box, but the model kit is identified as "INTERTLLR TERININATDR" two times on the front of the box, with the helpful subtitle "Apolay wayyioy". Obviously, "INTERTLLR TERININATDR" is simply the way that "Interstellar Terminator" would be spoken by a man with a lisp and a thick Irish brogue, while smoking a cigar and drinking a glass of water. Obviously.

The madness doesn't stop there. More comedy is evident on the sides of the box. As can be seen, repeated references to figs are made, which just makes me hungry for the roasted fig and prosciutto dish at my favorite restaurant. Mmmmm, figs. Not only that, but the text also lewdly proclaims "bosom aym opens." That's an important feature, I'm sure. No toy should go without a bosom aym that opens.

That's not enough for these wacky bootleggers, though. They need to tell the wonderful story of the toy, which is apparently made up and translated completely incoherently. The crude sexual commentary continues, as the text here describes wayyioys who want to "lay galaxy". You filthy wayyioys! I can't really make out the rest, but it looks like they tried (unsuccessfully) to romanize the name "Beauregard." My grandmother used to have a sheepdog named Beauregard! I think they're on to me...

There's even a list of the other Intertllr TERININATDRs, including "stay clouds" and my favorite, "rambo wayyioy", which is used to describe the swishy French Gundam. I don't know how the people who made this associated Rambo with the vaguely Napoleonesque Gundam, but I like it!

Finally, there's a picture of Domon Kasshu, hero of G-Gundam (which, incidentally, is insanely great, and everyone should buy the toys and watch it when it hits TV in fall of 2002). "micro str have," proclaims the caption, which I suppose means "micro strength have", which means that Domon only has microscopic strength. Obviously, these people haven't seen the cartoon.

The hilarity continues when we look at the instructions. (Toy? What toy?) This warning is actually fairly coherent; it's just really amusing to read. I heeded the warning-- not only did I summon a carful of friends to read the direction, I didn't put the parts into my mouth, because I hate it when I suffocation. I'm not sure what "outguess number" means, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with what the contestants on The Price is Right do when Bob Barker presents them with a shiny piece of merchandise.

Lions? Lions? WHAT LIONS?!

Finally, this is what happens when you put the backpack on the model. "transmutation." Just like in Battle of the Planets. Yep.

Wow, I guess I kind of forgot to review the toy. There's not much to report-- it's a fairly typical cheap model kit knockoff, obviously poorly recast from original Bandai parts, with missing pieces, crappy paint and plastic, and a foul, noxious odor. As with many toys, the real treasure of the Intertllr TERININATDR is the box, which caused a friend of mine to literally collapse with laughter in the middle of the sidewalk in Montreal, where this gem was first located. Despite the uninteresting nature of the toy, this is truly a great example of a bootleg-- poorly made, but so incredibly interesting that it's impossible to resist examining.